Naruto: Chicken Butter
by SeanyBlueBoy
Summary: This is a random story completely compramised of randomness caused by boredom. Its the time of year again for the Chicken Butter games in the Hidden Leaf Village, and Sqaud 7 along with the others are participating in this years games.
1. Chapter 1

**Naruto: Chicken Butter**

The 24th day, of the 3rd month, it was CHICKEN BUTTER DAY!!!  
Chicken Butter day is a day that is encountered every 24th day of the month.  
The month would ascend every year, for example 2004 could be 24th of March, and 2005 would be 24th of April.

Every year, the hidden villages would celebrate Chicken Butter day by preparing a feist, the feist including the national chicken butter, pigeon wings, rocks on a stick, submarine fans, mermaid scales and metal parachutes.  
Moving onto to our story, its 00:00 of Chicken Butter day.

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"Naruto!! Wake up!!" a fish was thrown at Naruto and he woke up in a shock, screaming at Sakura.  
"Why the hell did you wake me up! I was dreaming about hugging sheep!"  
Sakura looked at him in a freaked out way and whispered under her breath:  
"Sheep shagger haha"  
"Did you say something Sakura?" he asked her looking boldy into her eyes.  
"No, not at all, anyway, GET YOUR ARSE OUT OF BED!"  
"Okay Sakura, didn't have to shout at me" crying his eyes out in a comical fashion.

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The Hokage walked outside his booth, to see all his screaming fangirls drooling at his foot.

"Oh My God! Its the hokage!"  
"Look the Hokage!!"  
"Oh my God, look at his saggy hotness! I want his babies!!"  
"MARRY ME HOKAGE!!"

"Okay girls, no need for the appreciation, I'm nothing special now."  
"HOKAGE! HERES MY HEART THATS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!!"  
The girl pushed her hand into her chest ripping her heart out, she shaped it in the form of a TV-Style heart shape.  
The Hokage stared at her in disgust.  
"Are you..okay..?"  
"YES I'M FI-" the girl fainted on the floor and died from blood loss.  
"Get my cleaners to clean her body up, I don't want her to ruin my shoes..." the Hokage asked his assistants.  
"Right away sir!"

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"Malchik Gay! Malchik Gay!"  
"NARUTO STOP SINGING!" Sakura smacked Naruto on the head.  
"Eep" he started putting the comical cry on again.  
Sasuke butted in and pushed Naruto over, "You're such a weirdo Naruto."  
"Hey look, it's that bushy brow freak again..."  
Rock Lee seemed to have headphones in and dancing.  
"IM A BARBIE GIRL! IN A BARBIE WORLD!"  
Sqaud 7 just stared at him in shock and disbelief.  
"Thats the way to go Lee!" Guy patted Lee on the back as he praised at Guys feet.  
"Wow, just, wow..." Sasuke said still staring in disbelief.  
"LET THE FEAST BEGIN!" the Hokage said as his fangirls fainted when he waved by them.

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The feast had begun and chicken butter was set!  
Naruto reached and touched the chicken butter, but a kunai was thrown at his hand.  
"Don't you DARE touch the chicken butter!!!" the Hokage shouted at him.  
"Why?" he replied with a scared face.  
"By law of the seventh century formed by the Queen of England, no-one touches the chicken butter, until all food is gone."  
"We don't even LIVE in En-"  
"DON'T YOU DARE TALK BACK TO ME!" the Hokage threw another kunai at him, causing him to fall off his chair.  
"Wow, your so cool Hokage" his fangirls said while playing with his beard.  
Everyone had consumed the food and they were all fighting over the chicken butter.

Eventually, 'pervy sage' ended up eating it with a living sausage brought to life by the power of cell phones.  
Everyone stared at him eating the chicken butter, it seemed someone was angry.  
"Errrr" the 'pervy sage' ran away with his sausage and everyone chased after him, before the Hokage screamed:  
"LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!"

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The First game consisted of Sakura collecting flowers, if she collected a blue flower, she would lose her head, if she collected a pink flower, she would be glomped by a pig.  
She won if she collected 7 pink flowers.  
Her enemy was Ino, but her flowers effects were the opposite.  
"Your going down Ino!!!"  
"No you are Sakura!!!"  
"Sasukes mine!!!"  
"Hes mine!!!"  
"Girls girls, Im gay"  
Sakura and Ino just burst into tears and hugged each other, unable to participate into the games at the shocking truth they heard.

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The game will continue...


	2. Chapter 2

**Naruto: Chicken Butter**

"Wow, what a heated match! It lasted 40 seconds!" The Hokage shouted.  
"Ohhhhh" the crowd went, staring like mindless puppets.

"And now we'll take another break...for no apparrent reason whatsoever!"  
"Yaaay" the crowd went on.  
"If they don't stop that I'll personally stick a big fat umbrella up their big fat *beep*"  
Everyone stared at Naruto in disgust as a kunai was thrown at him.  
"ALSO NOTED ON THE LAW ON THE SEVENTEETH CENTURY FORMED BY THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND! YOU SHALL NOT BEEP!"  
"But oh well, the games have been postponed til the 24th of December 2042 because Santa Claus has all the other dates bucked up..." the Hokage continued under his breath.  
"*Beep*ing *beeeep*"

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So for no godamn apparrent reason again, everyone was randomly teleported to the world of Lara Croft.  
"What the hell?!" Naruto shouted out.  
"Shhh, it's probably an attack from our enemies..." Sasuke whispered to Naruto.  
"Natla you wont get away!!!" came a voice from a woman chasing after a squarrel while tripping over a rock.  
"Errrrm, who are you?" Sakura asked the woman.  
"Im Lara Croft, and im the divine princess of the Tomb Raider series, yes, im breaking the fourth wall but I dont care, I'm Lara Croft" she began to praise herself.

But soon after she was aten by the ugly duckling, and Sqaud 7 was stuck in the world of Lara Croft...now deceased.

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It was 1998 in Raccoon City, and well, there were zombies and crap.  
Also Leon Kennedy and Claire Redfield.  
"Wow, look at that animal Guy Sensei!" he went over to the zombie and patted it on the head, however it started to bike his arm.  
"Aww! Look, he likes m- OWW YOU SON OF A BITCH!!" Lee used his taijutsu to kill the zombie.  
"That was smart...Lee..."  
"Please don't hate me Guy Sensei!!!" he was crying at Guys feet.  
Tenten and Neji called him an idiot as they were fighting through zombies, but they bumped into a woman in a red dress.

"KILL THE BITCH IN THE RED DRESS!!!" Lee ran after her, but she took him to the ground by shooting his leg.  
"I'm not your enemy - they are!"  
"My names Ada, I came here to..." she carried on shooting the zombies.  
"Look for my husband John, and even though hes most probably dead by now, I'll come here anyway for having no common sense whatsoever!" she carried on.  
"But we have zombies to kill!"

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Silent Hill.  
"HELLLOOOOOO!?" Shikamaru shouted out.  
"It looks like this towns deserted, quick! Rob the shops!" Choji ran to the food restaurants stealing all the food away.  
"This towns fog is huuuge, and why the hell are there random holes in the street...?" Ino stayed close to Shikamaru.  
A man started running up to the group and put his hand on Ino's shoulder.  
"Excu-"  
"ARRGHHHHHH!" She shouted and slapped the man to the ground.  
"Whats all the fuss...?" Shikamaru turned around to see a man floored.  
"...Have you seen my daughter? About this big? Around 8 years old? Black hair? Blue dress? Likes to run away from me alot?" he asked Shikamaru.  
"Why don't you just carry a picture of her? Won't that be easier?"  
"Yes"  
"Then why dont you?"  
"Because?"  
"Because what?"  
"Because!"

"..."

"..."  
"Your shoe laces are untied."  
The man looked down and Shikamaru stabbed him with a kunai.  
"How annoying..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Naruto: Chicken Butter**

Squad 7 still stranded in Lara's world, began to feel lonesome.  
Naruto quickly stabbed the ugly duckling, which forced Lara out.  
"Are you...okay?" he asked.  
"Yes, I'm just loosing my right ar-HOLY FUCK MY RIGHT ARMS GONE!"

"...Do you know why were here...?"  
"I honestly have no idea, I'll contact Alister, get myself a new arm and ask him where you guys are from...You look like prostitutes..." she replied, giving a smile.

Naruto and the group followed Lara back to her mansion, but she collapsed to the ground randomly, so Naruto and Sakura dragged her back to the mansion.  
Alister looked out the window, and walked over to Zip.

"What are those prostitutes doing here? They look like annoying American Japanese hybrid monkeys."  
"Just see what they want, if they are disrespectful, release the tigers." he replied, getting back to his PC work.

Alister opened the door.  
"Hello? What do you want?"  
"Could you explain to us why this woman just fainted randomly infront of us?" Naruto stared at the man, dressed in posh British clothing.

"Did she let out a 'oooft' sound?"  
"Yes, unfortunately, is that bad?"  
"Oh! Not in the slightest, it was her orgasm."  
Naruto looked shocked and screamed out a shreeking "WHAT?!"  
"Oh, I'm sorry, every time she has an orgasm she lets out a soft 'oooft' sound and faints, she's perfectly fine."  
"Oh please, do come in."

Squad 7 stayed the night as Alister and Zip did research on why they maybe here, Lara got a new arm, and Natla blew Atlantica up.  
The next day arrived, and Naruto went to see Zip to see if he had any information.

"It seems a mad rip in space and time caused a paradox and everything blew up, though, you got sent to the past in different dimensions, I'm sure more like you got transported somewhere else...whats interesting though, is that it happens to involve some 'ritual' called Chicken Butter, how odd."

Sakura and Naruto looked at each other in a surprised and extremely happy faces.  
"CHICKEN BUTTER!! So what do we do?!" they both shouted together.  
"You have to find the chicken butter, and eat it together to get back to your time and dimension, you then have to stop the universe from blowing up..."

"Its futile to even try, the chicken butter could be anywhere, and even so, how can we save the universe?" Sasuke said sighing.  
Sakura slapped him and booted him in the balls.  
"Shut up you freak. You're not as cool as Naruto here!" she shouted at his face, hugging Naruto while Naruto pushed her away.", she gave puppy dog eyes, "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" she screached.  
"You had your chance" he squinted at her.

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Rock Lee, Neji, Tenten and Ada ran to the police station, avoiding zombies on the way and trying to find out whats wrong with the town.  
They entered the main hall, it was large, and in the center was the statue of liberty.  
"Lee you careless fool! You almost got us killed!" Neji pushed Lee over, which resulted in him cracking his head open and dying.  
"That was smart Neji, now Lee's dead!" Tenten slapped Neji.

A bucket of water fell on Guy.  
"What...the fuck?" Neji asked Tenten.  
"SHEERRYYYYY!!!", a monster cried out.  
"Woah, someones horny!"  
"You guys talk too much, I envy you, all I do is walk around with some emo dude who loves me, and I don't say a word until...the cutscenes...", Ada started to cry as she fell to the ground, she appeared to be randomly pregnant.

They continued through the police station together, however Guy was unable to continue.  
"Hmmm"  
Neji looked at the wall and there was a crank space, he looked at the crank in his pocket.  
"What can this crank be used for..."  
Tenten head smacked herself and fainted.

Ada began to give birth, as she screamed out in pain.  
"The hell?! You've been like, 1 hour pregnant!"  
Tenten woke up at the sight of Ada giving birth.  
"OH MY FUCKING GOD! ITS MARY AND JOSEPH! SHES GIVING BIRTH TO JESUS!" she fainted again.  
(Authour: For some odd reason, I got dejavu here.)  
Ada gave birth to a baby mule, it's name was Jesus, Jesus flew away, and Birkin ate him.

"Wait, Authour, who's Birkin?" Neji looked at the reader.  
You'll find out soon enough, oh, look, here he is.  
Birkin busted through the wall while rubble flew at Neji and crushed him against the wall.  
His life seemed to be short lived.  
"TEN! TEN! WAKE UP YOU BITCH!" Ada slapped Tenten continuously.  
"MARY GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" she screamed down Ada's ear.  
"MY NAMES NOT FUCKING MARY!"

Birkin threw himself at Ada as she rolled away from him, she grabbed Tenten and they ran through the door outside Raccoon Police Station.  
"What now?!" Tenten screamed at Ada.  
Suddenly, Tenten and Ada were transported to the Umbrella's Testing Labs.  
"OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THAT FABULOUS UMBRELLA!" Tenten jumped up and down pointing at the Umbrella logo.

Tenten went over to the main central computer in the labs.  
"The art of dimensions...travelling and paradox explinations...also including cakes."  
"WOW CAKE!"  
"You idiot, read it, we might be able to get out of here..."  
"Okay Mary!"  
Ada growled at Tenten as she continued to read the book.  
"Dimensions...Resident Evil...TENTEN, MY NAMES IN THIS BOOK! Transporting...paradox...time...CHICKEN BUTTER!"

The story continues...


	4. Chapter 4

**Naruto: Chicken Butter**

"Wow! Look at that Starbucks café! And that one! And...that one, and that one...and OH MY GOD! IT'S AN INVASION!" Choji went on, "THE ALIENS HAVE COME FOR MEEEE!!!"  
"Actually, we're here for Harry, have you seen him?" the Aliens confronted Choji.

Ino pointed to the man on the ground, dead from blood loss and lung failure, oddly.  
"There you go, he doesn't seem very...alive, though."  
"Shit, he's dead, we wanted to experiment on him and his missing daughter; go find her."  
The aliens randomly disintergrated into Coca Cola and blew away.

A bomb hit Choji, and all three of the Squad fainted.  
Ino woke up in a jail cell with Shikamaru on the opposite side.  
"Shika honey, did something happen to you? After we got seperated in that long hallway?" Ino said, sighing sitting on a chair that appeared out of nowhere.  
"What..hallway?"  
"Are you confusing me with someone else?"  
"Erm, no, Ino?"  
Ino laughed, "You were always so forgetful, remember that time in the hotel?"  
"WHAT TIME?! YOU DRUGGED ME?!"

"You said you took everything, but you forgot that video tape we made, I wonder if its still there..."  
"OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME!"  
"I'm not your Mary."

"WHO THE FUCK IS MARY!" Shikamaru screamed at her through the bars.  
"You're drunk Ino, seriously."  
"Do you wanna touch me Shika? Touch me Shika, touch me, see, I'm real?"  
"I think I just got mentally raped..." Shikamaru started to cry, "I'm coming for you!"

Choji woke up in an apartment toilet, he stared at the toilet.  
"DINNER TIME!!!" he shouted as he skooped his mouth into the bowl of the toilet.  
Shikamaru was running past the room and stopped at the site of Choji eating out of the toilet.

"Hi...Choji..."  
"Oh, erm, this isn't what it looks like..."  
"Oh I don't care, just come with me; we have to find Ino!!!"

They both set off around the world in 80 days and finally found Ino, they found her lying on the bed, dead.  
Her mouth was full of silk, and there was a pillow in her arms.  
"She looks so peaceful, shes smiling." Choji said while he ate a pizza that randomly appeared in his arms.  
"She's fucking dead, Choji...."

Suddenly out of the blue, Ino grew longer hair, became 17, and was now named Heather.  
She gave birth to God, God was aten by Claudia, Claudia laughed, Claudia died, God died, Ino was now a monster named Pyramid Head.

"Guys!!! Guys!!!" Pyramid Head was running after Shikamaru and Choji.  
"OH MY GOD! IT'S GOING TO RAPE ME!!" Shikamaru screamed, so Shikamaru and Choji both ran for shelter in an abandoned blood painted school bus, the school bus teleported them into a school.

"Midwich Elementry School..." Shikamaru went on, "Where are we?!"  
"Hell" Choji bearly uttered.  
The screaming of death lingered in the hallways, the walls dark and bloody, the essence and smell of death was round them as they felt poorly in the stomach.  
Pyramid Head was still searching for her/his friends, but s/he couldn't find them.  
"Theres a newspaper clipping here, Choji!" he began to read.  
"The portal broke and people from another world were transported here, I personally took my welcome and butchered them.  
The blood, still stains the walls today.  
Signed, Alessa."

"That's some fucked up shit right there..." there was more, so Shikamaru carried on reading the daunting text.  
"CHICKEN BUTTER!! IT'S NEEDED!! IT STOPS THE GRATING CEREMONY! THE UNIVERSE WON'T BE DESTROYED! CHICKEN, BUTTER, NEED, TO GO BACK, IN TIME!!!  
Gracefully Signed By Alessa, now die."  
A laugh was heard through the whole school, then a siren went off.  
The walls, peeled off like dead skin falling of your arm, or a scab ready to descend to the ground.  
The walls, bleed, screams were heard, there was doom in the air, and death could be tasted.  
The otherworld!


	5. Chapter 5

**Naruto: Chicken Butter**

"SHEERRY!!" was heard in the background, screeching through the hallways of the Umbrella labs.  
"So, Mary." Tenten carried on, "we have to find the Chicken Butter, touch it, and it returns me to my universe."

"It sounds easier than it actually is; I came here for John and John only, why am I helping you?" Ada replied in a serious tone.  
"Was there just a bit of seriousness in this fanfic, oh my God!"  
"Ada...John will be dead by now."  
"I know"  
"But..."  
"But what?"  
"Then why are you looking for him?"  
"Because he owes me 5 dollars."  
"...But hes dead"  
"I'll steal his wallet"  
"Fine with me!"

Tenten walked around the facility, the corridors were long and grey, the rooms tainted with experiments of the past;  
"Whats this?", there was a doll on the floor, Tenten picked it up and examined it, there was a something written on the tag of the doll.

'Dear John,  
You're such a whore to your 7 wifes, do they even know each other exists? Or am I just the 1 that knows the others?  
Diana Vickers'

"Ada" Tenten asked her.  
"Yes?"  
"Did you know John was a man-whore?"  
"Yes"  
"You know who Diana is?"  
"Yes, she couldn't sing, so I slit her throat with my penknife"  
The wall suddenly broke down, and Birkin broke through, though he inevitably fell on a pringle.  
Suddenly, Lee and Neji were alive again, but now they were sandwiches.  
"Guys-Erm, sandwiches! Come, lets go!"  
Tenten, Ada, Lee and Neji ran to a little cupboard situated in a sewer.

"Time is running out!" Neji screamed as he threw Lee at a wall.  
"The Chicken butter should be around here somewhere..." Tenten got out her Chicken Butter tracker out.  
"I know now, why this has happened" Ada stood up, "I'm going to do something really cool looking, make it look like Im awesome, and make my death look very depressing."  
Ada pulled out a gun and pointed it at Neji.  
"You!"  
"Me?"  
"Yes, you!"  
Ada's gun recoiled and shot her in the forehead.  
"Shit, I'm still alive"  
She threw herself off into the sewer water.  
"ADA!!"  
Neji grabbed her and tried to stop her from falling.  
"Neji, I love you!!!"  
Ada fell to her presumed death, only 1ft from the ground"  
"AAAADDDAAAAA!!!!"  
Tenten hugged Neji, "You only knew her for a fucking hour!" she screamed as she slapped him to the ground, "You should be more concerned about ME!"  
"But I loved her..."  
"Did you even talk to her?"  
"No"  
".....Lets just get that chicken butter....."

The group found a zombie randomly singing and dancing in the street.  
"HURT ME! See me crawling on the floor? Is that what you've been longing for? HURT ME! Is this enough do you want more?! GO ON IF IT MAKES YOU SORE!"  
(Author: Dejavu guys...)  
"Fine, we'll hurt you" Tenten shot the zombie through the brain, peircing his breath of life and death.

There was a huge light that burst out in intense eye bleeding explosions.  
"THE CHICKEN BUTTER!"  
Neji, Lee and Tenten ran to the clocktower, only to find that Michael Jackson was blocking their way.  
"Our paths cross again, Ms. Jackson", Lee said in a seductive voice.  
"Oh yes, Lee, you beautiful boy!"  
"You know her?" Tenten asked.  
"Its a he Tenten, and hes a child rapist, he mutilated my life when I was 10."  
"And now shes going to pay!"

Rick Astly popped up out of nowhere and punched Michael in the nose.  
"YOU'VE JUST BEEN RICK ROLLED!"  
"MY NOSE! My fragile nose!! It's broke off!!"  
"Thats her weakness! Quick! Attack her!"  
Rick Astly was charging up his lazer, and in a matter of minutes he screamed out.  
"Ka-me-ha-me-ha!!!"  
Michael dodged it to Rick's dismay, and he ran after Rick with his KiddySpear.  
"RICK!!!" Lee shouted out.

To be Continued.


End file.
